why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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