No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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