this beer tastes like vomit already
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
