Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
