Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
