I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
