This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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