PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
