I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize