Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
