Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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