My hand turned me down
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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