he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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