if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
