new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
