I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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