What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
