I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
