Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
