why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Randomize
