No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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