Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
