youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
