I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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