In the future we'll all be gay
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
