my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
