you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
