i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
