You can't motorboat a personality
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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