Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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