so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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