Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize