So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
