the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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