remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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