I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
