Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
