i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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