Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
