She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
