I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
