If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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