So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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