you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
