dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my being single is dangerous.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize