your parents love me but you hate me
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
