Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
