He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
