No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
