My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize