it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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