Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have aggressive nipples.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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