dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
