his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
