I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
