Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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