Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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