i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you made out with another girl for some wings
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
