I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
