I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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