Sry I called you an 8
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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