Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
