I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
